PSN is Down?! Nice, nice.
For your first time, that's pretty decent. It ain't bad, and it definitely made me chuckle at more than a few parts. (Like the "You butt-fag. >:(", mostly 'cause I'm immature. XD)
To me as a viewer, there were a few issues though, mainly in the sound of it all. Certain things were louder and/or quieter than others, and certain sounds/voices contained clipping. (i.e., popped or "fizzled" distortion due to overdriven volume.) If I recall, a large majority of those issues could be solved (at least somewhat) in an audio editing program such as GoldWave or Audacity.
The only other issue I had was the quality. Is the microphone you were using any good? If so, then it really is such a horrible scene when potential voice acting is hindered by a sub-par microphone. Then again, I understand issues when it comes to obtaining one.
Still, like I said, for your first submission it wasn't at all bad; the animations weren't horrible, the jokes/comedy worked, and we could at least make out what you were saying. It can only get better from here, right?
Good work, man. ;D